FREE Ice cream!
That is a great way to start any conversation. If you need help moving, you start off by offering free ice cream before you ask for favors. If you want people to come to your charity event, you promise them free ice cream before you say anything else. If you want someone to read a blog about self-discipline, you promise them free ice cream at the end.

Self-discipline is not one of the darlings when it comes to character traits. In a culture that grows steadily younger as we age, self-discipline feels like drudgery. Most of us can maintain some level of discipline in one or two areas for a small measure of time. "I'm dieting for 21 days, and then I get a break"No TV for a month and then binge fest 2016." When you're discussing your weekend with co-workers, no one says "I was really self-disciplined, I didn't overspend or over drink, or Netflix and yoga pants for eleven straight hours."

We like to talk about compassion, and kindness and grace and peace. We share with one another the things we accomplished for the Kingdom, the dreams and longings of things we want to do, projects we want to be a part of, and the moments we could feel the presence of the Father. We like to talk about ice cream. 

Self-discipline is like broccoli.

Genesis chapter 5 is an account of the generations from Adam to Noah. It follows a simple pattern; "When Seth had lived 105 years he fathered a son, after that son he lived 807 years and had other sons and daughters and then he died. All the days of Seth were 912 years." That’s a paraphrase, but it follows the same pattern for ten generations, except for one. 
Genesis 5:21-24 "When Enoch had lived 65 years, he fathered Methuselah. Enoch walked with God after he fathered Methuselah 300 years and had other sons and daughters. Thus, all the days of Enoch were 365 years. Enoch walked with God, and he was not, for God took him." 

What is the difference between just "living and dying" and "walking with God?" I think I know. Broccoli. I'm sure you have seen the evidence in your own heart, so this won't come as a shock to anyone. We have a tendency just to do whatever is easiest. Maintaining a close relationship with God is not the easy thing to do. 

Every day we are bombarded with messages that tell us we are the most important thing, our desire is what is most important, and our immediate happiness is the key factor in every decision. This is slavery. To chase after desire that culminates in itself, only to have to chase something bigger and brighter next time. You think you're chasing down happiness or fulfillment, you think you're headed for your ice cream, but all you end up with is a stone cold block of ice. 

I think even we believers fall for this scheme sometimes. We want the songs that make us feel good, the sermons that inspire us to chase our dreams, and little chats that start and end with "I'm fine thanks, how are you?" But the life of the believer is frequently compared to farming. Our life is hands in the dirt, sweat on your brow, and broccoli on your plate kind of life. 

I’m not always great at it, but I’ve learned a few ways to prep and eat broccoli over the years that are quite delicious.

1. Study with fellow believers. No matter what’s going on it helps to know we are not alone.

2. Set an alarm reminder to pray. Even if it’s only for a few minutes, at first, set your alarm to a time of day you know you usually have a few minutes of free thinking and dedicate that time to pray. 

3. Set your bible on top of your phone at night. Seriously, if it’s the first thing you touch in the morning, maybe it will help you remember to crack it open and dig in.  

Self-discipline can sometimes feel like legalism. And it can be easy to talk yourself out of practical steps if you look at it that way. The funny thing is, though, the more you study, the more you pray and engage in Christian community, the more you want to. What a gracious gift to us! It’s like discovering that you really do like to exercise or eat healthy food. Even if you only give it a few minutes a day, at first, God will still hear and still help. 

We know that God saved us through Jesus. He saved us from a life of fruitless chasing after desires of the flesh to a new life bursting with the fruit of the spirit. 
Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things, there is no law."

Our tree needs to be tended to with prayer and meditation and diligent study. Galatians 5:25 "If we live by the Spirit let us keep in step with the Spirit." Being prone to take the easy way and to wander away from our savior, it makes sense that by His Spirit we are called to keep in step with the Spirit. Keep walking, keep digging, keep pruning and keep at it. 

The truth is, God sees our wicked hearts, sees how we are making a mess of things just trying to get what we want, He rescues us from the mess and puts true joy in our hearts. He pulls us out of the wreckage and replaces the shadow with substance, the plastic toys for the real deal. There's your ice cream; you just have to eat your broccoli too.

-This weeks post is by Ashley Bowie, a member at Redeemer. She pours an excellent cup of coffee, and loves words the way some people love their pets, or children.

(By Celeste Chute)

Editors' note: Below is part four of a four part blog series on one person's thoughts and journey about gender and gender roles.

I’ve written three posts about why I love complementarianism and I just want to finish with why I think this matters. We’ve all had or seen dysfunctional relationships in our lives, and they are hard, painful, and wounded parts of our past. I want to encourage you that God made relationships for our good, and through His Word, I believe He gave us the tools to help us navigate them. It seems obvious to say it, but the Bible is written very intentionally. There is a reason that we don’t see exact examples of how marriages play out in the Bible. We don’t see many instructions as to how exactly what responsibilities husbands and wives are supposed to have. And while I do think God’s vision for marriage includes men and women having different roles, I don’t think he wants us to put prescriptive boundaries around what that should look like. A complementarian relationship doesn’t always mean the wife stays home and doesn’t work. It doesn’t mean that husbands never cook or clean. It doesn’t mean that wives are quiet and meek and coy. But it also can mean all of those things. And both of those marriages and families can be equally beautiful and equally honoring to God. Complementarianism is a beautiful dance, a give and take, and a balance of two people made for each other.

And by some sweet grace of God, He gives us a shot at reflecting the Trinity with our marriages.

It’s not my job (or your job) to look around and point at marriages and say what they should or shouldn’t be doing. But I will openly and proudly look into my Bible and share what I’ve found. I’ve found that the Trinity is a beautiful, confusing, mind-boggling mystery. In the Trinity, we find one God existing as three persons. We see the Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit - all unique and yet together making up one God. They complement each other. They complete each other. They honor each other. Jesus submits to the Father’s authority. They are, together, the most wonderful thing we know. They are God, united, equal and differing. And by some sweet grace of God, He gives us a shot at reflecting the Trinity with our marriages. We get to become two in one. We get to honor and complete each other. We get to be distinct and united. And just like I know I’ll never fully grasp the Trinity, I know I’ll never fully ‘get’ marriage. My marriage will never be quite as beautiful as God intended. Until Jesus returns, I’ll never be the wife God dreamed of when He made Eve. My selfishness will inhibit me from truly becoming two in one. But that’s okay. God’s grace is enough. We are saved by grace alone. And I am so excited that I get to reflect God’s beautiful design in my marriage.

I believe marriage is one of the hardest and most significant things I will ever do, and I’m so thankful that God has given me a sense of how it can look.

I know that God’s plan is for my good, so when I look at the Bible and see how God describes marriage; that’s what I’m going to strive for. Even when it’s hard and messy and I don’t feel like it. I believe marriage is one of the hardest and most significant things I will ever do, and I’m so thankful that God has given me a sense of how it can look. It’s so helpful having a baseline idea of the wife I want to be. Then, even on days when things don’t feel quite right, I have somewhere to turn and a wonderful, loving, merciful God to rely on. I encourage us all to look deeply at how God’s Word is able to speak into our marriages. I encourage us to live our marriages out loud, to talk and share and struggle and learn with each other. Besides His Son, I believe God’s biggest gift to us is our relationships; whether that be marriages, friendships and families. Let’s take full advantage of those and embrace God’s good and holy plan for our lives.

We’re saved by grace even when we don’t agree on this issue...

I would hope that all of us, wherever we fall on the issue of complementarianism or egalitarianism, would let God’s voice be the loudest. Not society’s or culture’s, not our own, not our parent’s or sister’s or neighbor’s, but God’s true and honest Word. I pray that we will remember that we are saved by grace alone. We’re saved by grace even when we don’t agree on this issue. We are saved when we are selfish wives and husbands. We are saved when we are confused and hurt and struggling. We should feel freedom to pursue this with an open heart because it has God’s love behind it.

Thanks for reading!

Part 1 - Love First, Disagree Second

Part 2 - How Being Different Made Me Feel Whole

Part 3 - One Way A Complementarian Relationship Can Look 

(By Celeste Chute)

Editors' note: Below is part three of a four part blog series on one person's thoughts and journey about gender and gender roles.

This is the third in a series of posts I’ve written about complementarianism. I’ve written about how I don’t think your view on this issue is ultimate and how Jesus is always better. I’ve written about my journey to finding the beauty in God’s plan for relationships. And now I want to say is a little bit about how complementarianism has worked in my own relationship. Every couple is different and there is no ‘right’ way for this to be played out, but this is how it’s worked out for us. Anthony and I are engaged and will get married this fall. So all I can do is share what it’s been like so far. Also, I’m going to focus on the wonderful ways complementarianism shows itself in our relationship, but like any relationship, there are also bumps and hurt feelings and misunderstandings - just so you know I’m not trying to sugar coat this.

One way I have loved how this has taken shape in our relationship is how Anthony supports and encourages my emotions.

One way I have loved how this has taken shape in our relationship is how Anthony supports and encourages my emotions. I hate how society makes women feel crazy or dramatic or like we’re overreacting when we experience strong emotions. Unlike tv shows (and past relationships), Anthony never tells me to “calm down” or “stop crying” or “you’re overreacting”. He hugs me and loves me and tells me he loves how much I care about my friends or family or season finale of Parenthood or whatever it might be. Because Anthony and I know that men and women aren’t made the same, it gives us space to be different. He knows I’m made differently, that I process differently and react differently to situations. It would be really hard if he expected me to act like him in all scenarios, or if I wanted him to have the same reactions as me.

Because I have seen him make so many decisions well, by praying and talking and taking time, I trust his decisions even when I don’t necessarily agree.

I also see complementarianism play out in how we make decisions together. For smaller day-to-day decisions, I feel like we often try to ‘out-nice’ each other. I want to follow his lead and let him make decisions. He wants to be a servant leader and make sure we’re doing something that makes me happy. Although it can lead to comical indecision, I love that we both want to do what’s best for the other person. For bigger decisions, I feel like the most prized and valued consultant. I know that Anthony seeks my opinion and ideas on any decision. I know he really listens and allows himself to be changed by what I say. And he talks through his train of thought with me and allows me to weigh in and help guide the decision. Because I have seen him make so many decisions well, by praying and talking and taking time, I trust his decisions even when I don’t necessarily agree.

The most important thing that we try to remember is that it’s our individual job to be the best husband and wife we can be. If he is continually trying to grow closer to God and love me like Jesus loves the Church, and I’m pursuing God and working to be a supportive, strong, helpful wife then I think we’ll do pretty well. The trouble comes when I expect certain behavior out of him, or when he expects behavior out of me. There will be (and have been) times when Anthony doesn’t feel like leading and there will be (and have been) times when I feel feisty and stubborn and independent. But we will work to have grace for each other, like God has had so much grace for us.

Because of God’s design, we don’t have to be everything. We can be who we are; just as God created us.

Relationships are hard, and I have no doubt that marriage will be harder. But it’s also beautiful and significant; a holy covenant made with God. I love that we will be able to emulate the Trinity in our marriage, by having different roles but the same value, that we will be two in one. Because of God’s grace, we don’t have to be perfect. Because of God’s design, we don’t have to be everything. We can be who we are; just as God created us. Anthony can be Anthony, a man, a husband, and God’s cherished son. I can be me, a woman, a wife, and God’s cherished daughter. 

Part 1 - Love First, Disagree Second

Part 2 - How Being Different Made Me Feel Whole

(By Celeste Chute)

Editors' note: Below is part one of a four part blog series on one person's thoughts and journey about gender and gender roles.

It seems to be human nature to first look for what makes us different from each other before looking for what unites us. Titles, like complementarian and egalitarian, only make it easier to point at someone else and label them as wrong, different, or offensive. While I now hold complementarian beliefs, I’ve been both a non-Christian and an egalitarian in the past. I’ve felt from all sides the hurt and judgment that flies when these terms are brought up. So before I can talk about complementarianism and how I’ve come to see its beauty, I have to first bring up the fact that deciding on this issue isn’t ultimate; it’s not our salvation, and while I think that it’s important - I know that it is not as important as loving and calling Christ our Savior. 

We are saved by grace alone. I think we forget the magnitude of that sentence. We, lowly we, sinners, grumblers, complainers, hypocrites, we. Are saved, rescued, redeemed, sanctified, glorified, justified, loved, protected, are saved. By grace alone, by God alone, without our help, despite our inadequacy, regardless of our differences, by grace alone. On one hand we forget how significant that is for our own lives; how if we really truly understood and appreciated the meaning of that sentence we would want to do nothing but praise God. On the other hand, we forget how amazing it is to find other people who have this same glorious fate!

"Regardless of what side of this issue you’re on, or I’m on, I want there to be a mutual celebration between us - a deep, true rejoicing that we are both saved by grace alone."

Regardless of what side of this issue you’re on, or I’m on, I want there to be a mutual celebration between us - a deep, true rejoicing that we are both saved by grace alone. That alone unites us, strengthens us and makes us the Church. We forget that all too often. I’ve experienced it for myself on both sides. Egalitarians have made comments to me about complementarians oppressing women. Complementarians have made comments to me about egalitarians not loving the Bible. Now, both of those comments can be true and in some cases they are, and those extreme cases should be rebuked by both complementarians and egalitarians alike. But most often, they are not true. And we are doing a disservice to ourselves, to the Church, and to the Trinity by digging trenches between us when there ought to be conversation, community, and respectful disagreement.

Whenever an issue has two sides, and someone else is on a different side than us, we tend to imagine them way on the other side. And they imagine us way on our side. Through many conversations I’ve found that most people are actually much closer to the middle. I’m still on my side, you’re still on your side, but we’re within reach. There are things we can agree on. We can still value and respect each other. We can appreciate the other view even if we don’t agree. And we can remember that we all get front row seats in heaven. We’re all doing our best to understand and interpret the Bible. All of us are going to get some things right and other things wrong. Luckily, God doesn’t hand out A+’s and C’s at the gates of heaven. You don’t get an extra hour of play time with Jesus if you figured something out better than me. I don’t get a better singing voice if I figured out something better than you. We are saved by grace alone. And I adamantly believe that we will never have healthy conversations about egalitarianism and complementarianism if we forget that. So I will say it over and over. So that you don’t forget. And so that I don’t forget either. We are saved by grace alone. 

Three Christian Misconceptions About Muslims: When the average Westerner hears “Muslim,” a number of images come to mind—mostly negative. But most Muslims would be just as horrified as we are at the assumptions entertained about them. Here are some of the most common misconceptions that Westerners have about Muslims:

Seven Ways We Can Guard And Repair Relationships: One of the most beautiful scenes in the Bible is between brothers who had been long alienated: “Esau ran to meet him and embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept” (Genesis 33:4).  God wants that beauty to reappear in every generation, as needed.

The Dangers Of Pet Sins: Pet sins are those sins we believe we have domesticated. We view them as small and insignificant. We don’t fight against them, we feed them, and in some ways they make us feel good. But there is no such things as domesticated sin. All sin, even our “pet sins” are dangerous.

The Worst Honeymoon Ever: On Friday night, as part of a fundraising dinner for our youth group’s mission trip, Shona and I won the “Most Interesting Honeymoon” award. “Interesting” is quite the euphemism; “worst” would be more fitting. Because there can’t be many honeymoons as disastrous as ours was. But having given everybody a bit of a laugh, I thought, it’s time to share this fiasco with the world and hopefully put a few smiles on some faces. Settle down, this may take a while.

Sundown Thinking In The Church: Christian, there is no room for “sundown town” thinking for those who hail the Sun of Righteousness. His dawning never fades to sunset and His light dwells in prismatic splendor in His many-colored servants. Don’t live a monochromatic life. Dream in kingdom color. It’s better—I promise.

Can We Really Be Free From Excessive Fears?: We all desire to be free of this tyrant. But is this possible? Can we really be free from excessive fears? Jesus’s answer is yes.

The Bigger Thing In Bible Study: It is a beautiful thing to do devotional material and to spend time meditating on one or two verses, but if that is all we ever do, we will tend to focus on very small portions of Scripture, and it can feel satisfying in one regard, but it isn’t necessarily building toward the bigger thing.

photo credit: Boardwalk via photopin (license)

3 Ways A Man Should Lead His Home: A man who loves Jesus and leads his family well has at least three roles in common with the man who is called to lead the church.

4 Ways to Love Those With Mental Illness: It is time to face the fact that there are millions of people who struggle with mental illness and the church must rise up and disciple them. Jesus Christ is greater than any mental illness and even though anxiety wins many of battles, I always remember that Jesus Christ has already won the war. We will be raised up. We will have new creation bodies. We will not suffer forever. He is the resurrection and life.

Blue Collar Man: On Financial Struggle and Working For A Living: In general, youngish-Reformed evangelicals tend to be a pretty affluent, heavily degreed, upwardly mobile lot with a surplus of time to read websites and grow their considerable book collections. [1] With “providing” often being a top priority for Reformed men, this group generally has a clear vocational plan and usually gets plenty of opportunities to implement said plan. And because we tend to be small-government capitalists, we tend to feel pretty good about ourselves when we’re making lots of bank–and don't feel conflicted about enjoying it. And in general (again), readers of TGC tend to be pastors, professors, seminary students, theology nerds, or wives of the aforementioned. But what about those who don't fit this social/cultural Reformed paradigm, including in their vocations? 

God's Will For Your Wait: Sometimes God calls us to wait, and that is hard. But waiting for God is not passive; it is active, purposeful, and spiritual.

Stuck In Relationships: I've spent thousands of hours in counseling sessions with people who are stuck in relationships. It wasn't always a husband and wife in a marriage gone bad; any two people in any type of relationship can find themselves stuck.

The Child Of The Future: Like college football, the world for young people has changed dramatically. High exposure to media via technology and the deluge of mixed messages in the culture have created an incredibly difficult landscape for parents and children to navigate.

The God Of Diverse Excellencies: Jesus is calling. Do you hear his voice? There is no voice like his. Only in Jesus Christ will you find a God who is both a strong Lion and a slain Lamb. Only in him will you find a God of so many beautiful and diverse excellencies.

photo credit: Graham Ballantyne via photopin cc