This week’s post is by Becca Wellan. Becca is a member and volunteer at Redeemer, and no, she’s not waiting until the day after Thanksgiving to post this.

Last Sunday after church, my roommates and I turned up our favorite Christmas tunes and put on our Christmas sweaters. We bought Christmas decor and decorated a mini tree. Christmas cookies baked in the oven as we strung up Christmas lights.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, it’s not even Thanksgiving yet. We know. It was the day before Halloween, actually. And we could not have been more stoked.

As I danced around the house, singing Christmas songs (horrible-karaoke-style), it hit me: I haven’t felt this joyful and free in a long, long time.

Later, as I sat criss-cross on the floor, wrapping our paintings in Santa Claus wrapping paper, my mind suddenly flooded with memories of a past holiday season. My heart began to ache as memories played like a movie in my mind. The pain of deep wounds stole my breath, nearly knocking me over.

It’s strange what Santa Claus wrapping paper can do to a person.

 

To hurt is to be human.

Most of us have experienced deep hurt. Not to be a Scrooge, but if you haven’t been devastated by hurt yet, you will be. Sadly, it’s normal for the brokenness of this world to affect us deeply.

Perhaps you’ve been wounded by someone you love. Maybe you’re struggling in your marriage, family, or friendships, or you feel devastatingly alone. Or, your mental/emotional/physical health seems impossible to work through. Maybe you’re sharing in the suffering of someone dear to you and it’s wearing on your spirit.

Life just hurts, sometimes. The hurt in our hearts and in the world is an opportunity to run into the arms of Jesus, to ask Him to be the healer, comforter and joy-giver He says He is. Yet so often we look for a quick fix, to take our mind off the pain.

Where do you run when you are starving for comfort and joy? Perhaps you run to someone who can affirm you, who can help steady you. But what if that person isn’t available, or walks out on your life?

Perhaps you self-medicate with alcohol, drugs or sex. But they will leave you empty tomorrow.

Perhaps you bury yourself in your work, your hobbies or school to take the edge off your pain. But busyness is only temporary distraction. When your head hits the pillow at night, has anything changed?

Seek comfort in these things, and you may feel better faster. But you’re putting a bandaid over a broken leg, it just won’t work. We need true comfort and joy to heal our hurts, from the inside out.

 

Tidings of comfort and joy.

Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a Saviour. // Luke 2:10-11.

When life hurts, you become more aware of your need for a Savior. Whether you find it in a person, a substance, or a distraction, we all know we need to be rescued when the battle becomes too much.

The best news is that a Savior was born. To reconcile billions of reckless, bitter, calloused souls into deep friendship with Him. To forgive every last sinful thought.

The greatest joy is knowing that despite our circumstances, we have a Savior who took the punishment that should’ve been ours, to give us forgiveness we could never earn. We are safe, we don’t have to heal according to a timeline. Our greatest need for healing was met the moment Christ said “it is finished”; the moment we were forgiven.

What if the hurt you face serves a greater purpose?
Ever had one of those I-Just-Can’t moments? One of mine involved curling up on the couch one early autumn morning as the fog rolled in. I felt burnt out, angry at the daily struggle to overcome past hurt and shame. As tears stained my cheeks with mascara, I cried out to God:

Papa, please, I prayed, could you bring me a season of joy? You’ve brought me through a season of deep hurt and I could really use some joy right now.

I don’t like being hurt. I never have, I never will. I think it’s safe to say that’s universal. But what if God is using it to transform you to be more like Him?

In Romans 5:3-5, Paul encourages us to have joy in our sufferings; God is at work in the hurt. He is just as much our Savior when we’re suffering as He was our Savior on the cross. Paul says that suffering brings endurance, character, and hope. He will sharpen you, and He will change you.

Decking the halls the day before Halloween, with my sweet, hilarious roommates who relentlessly point me to Christ, reminded me that though it still hurts, God already answered my prayer for joy. I remembered the girl I was a year ago, and smiled because I see how God has been transforming my heart through the tears.

How to find joy and comfort.

When we catch even a glimpse of who God is, we can’t help but be transformed. When I remind myself of His character, that “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3), that He is “gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love” (Psalm 145:8), I find comfort and rest.

This may sound obvious, but we learn who God is through reading the bible. We should never, ever get over the miracles that happen when it’s truths inform and challenge our minds. Psalm 119:50 says, “this is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life.” This verse isn’t referring to one promise. It’s saying that the entire bible makes Him alive, which is His comfort in suffering. God’s word is filled with truths about Him that are designed to bring you comfort as you learn about the character of God.

If you’re like me, you conform God to fit your culture. Bad idea. God is not PNW-passive. He is not sitting in heaven, hoping you’ll figure it out. He wants to enter into your life. Pray and ask God to act, to be who He says He is in your life. Ask God to show you that He truly does heal the brokenhearted, that He truly is a comforter. You are not asking Him to be something He’s not, and He’s more than willing to pour out His love into your life.

In the laughter, through the tears, God spoke to me last Sunday. Though hurt still lingers, He comforted me with the hope that He has, and is, and will be at work in my struggle, to heal from the inside out. He reminded me, as I decked the halls with laughter and gold glitter, as I nearly fell apart, that Jesus had come with tidings of comfort and joy.

This week's blog was written by Theresa Adams, a wife and mother who loves to tap dance. 

Showing up. Getting into it. How much about this do any of us really get?

How do we turn up for someone when they are in a crisis? When they are suffering?

Showing up can be hard, messy, difficult, uncomfortable, and did I say hard? When you purposefully choose to meet someone in a difficult place it is anything but simple.

You may question yourself, fend off insecurities and wonder what you did that day that made you sound like an idiot/uncaring/self-absorbed person. Showing up is something that all of us, no matter the stage of life we are in, will one day experience.

We will either make the choice to show up or we will need people to show up for us. Maybe it's just me, but I'd like to be a lot better at giving and receiving so that when the time comes I won't be immobilized. I won't think that they have people closer to them that have it. I won't allow the lack of relationship to hold me back. Nor, when I find myself in need for me or my family, will I freeze and not know how to welcome them in. I've already done that.

Opening Up

For years it seemed like my family was living in lean times. People close to us knew. It was obvious that my husband lost his job. That we weren't able to join in when people went on fun outings or out to dinner. We always wore the same clothes. We kept the smiles plastered to our faces. The thing about being in hard times was that we knew it was hard. We were living it. We didn't want to spend any time talking about it. We didn't want it to get more airtime than it deserved. We thought that if we kept the smile in place and the questions at bay that the difficult time we were enduring would be easier to live with.

And that worked. For a time.

Until, finally, I just had to get it out. To admit how hard it was to not even be able to buy toothpaste. To admit how humbling it was to be at the food bank. And once I started letting people in and sharing how tough of a place it truly was to be losing our home, to know we didn't know where we were going to go, to know we just wanted to be able to celebrate Christmas with our kids then things started feeling a bit easier.

Nothing changed in our day to day circumstances, mind you. We still had the same amount in our bank account but it became a little easier to breath. People who had been watching us from afar were invited closer. They were relieved to be able to "do something”. They loved on us in countless ways from listening, to anonymous checks in the mail, to providing housing for us, to providing Christmas for our family.

By letting people in our tanks, which had been on empty, were suddenly overflowing. Those full-to-the-brim tanks enabled us to continue on, to be encouraged, fueling us for the remainder of that tough season.

So, may I just encourage you that if you are in a hard place it is completely okay to let people in on it. There is no bravery in keeping it to yourself. There is no gold star at the end for being stoic. It is, rather, a sign of courage to let others in. To invite them into the trenches. To have them mourn alongside you. They won't always get it right, but it's far better than going at it alone.

Showing Up

At times we will find ourselves not on the receiving end, but on the end where we want to give. We want to show up, but we aren't sure how. We say "Let me know if I can do anything" but often that blanket offer of help can be overwhelming to those hearing it. They may not even know what their needs are much less how you can help. Here are a couple of things that just might help us know to to show-up a little better.

Pray.

Seems obvious, right? But so often when our people are going through something difficult we want to do something tangible for them. Something more that "just" pray. Or sometimes the stuff our people are going through is long. We pray for a while and then we sense their situation will be one of long suffering and we give up on prayer for we don't see any relief. coming their way. Prayer can not only equip us to show up better it can also work on behalf of our people. It is a way that God has given us to give our burdens over to Him. He doesn't always answer according to our timeline nor according to our wishes, but each time we lift up a prayer to Him He is hearing it with fresh ears. He never tires of our requests, so why should we?

Meals.

Another obvious one, right? I think we all know that meals can be a huge way we can show up for people. Whether they've had a baby, are going through a divorce, just received a difficult diagnosis or lost someone dear to them, no matter what it is they are eventually going to need to eat. And not having to think about planning or preparing said meal can be a huge relief.

If cooking isn't your jam then think gift cards which can be an immense blessing. Or try bringing breakfast foods instead of a dinner. Someone dear to me was going through chemo and she said one way she was shown great love was when others brought their kids sack lunches. Sandwiches, fruit, cheese, maybe a juice box. Brilliant. Helpful. And no culinary degree required.

Keep in mind if there may be many people contributing meals so an excessively large meal is not necessary as there will also be many leftovers. This is not something I've ever thought about before, but my “Showing Up Adviser” told me how much time and energy it can take to package, freeze or store the leftovers.

Don't Ask. Just Do.

When I asked my person who had fought cancer what advice she would offer to those wanting to help, her sage advice was "If you really want to help, don't ask. Kindly, but firmly say what it is you are going to come help with. For example: ‘I would like to come over and clean your bathrooms, or do your laundry or clean up your kitchen. What is a good day for me to do this?’. The person probably feels physically pretty crummy and discouraged about how much they can't do, but human nature makes it really hard for us to accept the offer of help. But when a friend says, ‘I love you and I am coming to do this for you’… that's a gift."

These suggestions are not exhaustive by any means. But they are a start for when we know we want to show up but have no idea where to begin.

I think an important piece of the puzzle is to remember you won't get it right every time. You don't need to have the polished words, the perfect verse or the best cup of coffee. Sometimes you just need to be there. To listen. To not say anything at all or to just simply sit in silence.

Regardless of how you show up or how others show up for you it's the love behind it that really stands out.

When Your Twenties Are Darker Than You Expected: Our twenties bring so many answers to that question — transition, failure, desperation, dependence, accusation, responsibility, moral failure, stagnation, unfulfillment. “Sting” isn’t sufficient. Our twenties can be a dark time.

Smartphone Addiction And Our Spiritual ADD: These are exciting times loaded with new potential. These are also anxious times requiring our most diligent reflection as we face perhaps the most challenging discipleship question of our generation. By the power of Christ, we will not be mastered by anything, even by phones that offer us many good benefits.

Talk Is Cheap: Our words cause a lot of pain and hurt because we're not hearing how the other person receives our words. That's one reason why James says we ought to be "slow to speak" (James 1:19). In your next conversation, be slow to speak and quick to consider how the other person might interpret what you have to say.

The Messy Christian Life: I believe there is some good and some bad in our seeing the Christian life as “messy.” The difference is why we are calling the Christian life messy.

15 Doctrines That Ought To Bring Comfort In Suffering: In what follows, I’d like to simply (and briefly) point out some of the many ways the main doctrines of the Christian faith provide a comfort to the believer in times of struggle, suffering, and pain.

8 Lies Christians Believe About Success: At some point in my life, Christianity had become a magic wand instead of a humble posture. Here are some lies we in the church often believe about success.

Walking Through The Flood: Christians must sojourn through the deluge. We must submerge ourselves in the Word of God–especially those difficult stories. We must do this as a family. Otherwise, what we are left with is the neutered children stories, flannel graphs, and children decor available at most Christian retailers today–not the actual stories of the Bible.

Ten Lessons From A Hospital Bed: All of these are things I needed God’s help with. I was surprised how difficult it was for me to focus on anything, and therefore, how vulnerable I felt spiritually. I’m used to fixing my mind on God’s truth — especially his promises — and fighting off the temptations of fear and anger. But when focus is hard, trust is hard. So don’t assume as you read these, that they came easy. They didn’t.

What We Need: Good works are not optional for the Christian. Christians who live in habitual, unrepentant sin show themselves not to be true Christians.

Three Things We Can Learn From Jimmy Fallon: Why is Fallon so appealing? What makes his show a joy to watch? Why is he a great host? I think Fallon’s success can be traced to three key practices: He doesn’t take himself seriously, he puts the spotlight on others and he speaks through culture. I believe Christians can actually learn from Fallon’s example as they attempt to demonstrate the love of Christ. Here’s how.

3 Key Characteristics Of Disciples Of Jesus: How do you teach new Christians what it looks like to follow Jesus? You learn from Jesus’ first disciples.

A Glorious Expedition: Therefore, I wanted to put together a practical list for leading our wives better on this glorious expedition. Now, some of these tips will work better for some couples than others so feel free to find what works for you and to mix and match. This will be a process of trial and error, but it is worth the struggle to grow spiritually.

7 Ways To Create An Evangelistic Culture In Your Church: So your church is “evangelical.” But is it evangelistic? Here are seven ways you as a pastor can build an evangelistic culture that’s about more than baptism numbers.

Failing With Family: If you face decades worth of family damage, here are three steps to consider taking. Although reconciliation is never guaranteed, we are always guaranteed that God will look upon the humble and contrite.

Five Admirable Traits of an Early Church: In the Bible, one such example is the marriage of Priscilla and Aquila. They are mentioned only a few times in Scripture, but even in those brief moments, you will see commendable traits in their relationship that are worth further reflection. Like any couple, they weren’t perfect, but their story is one I admire and would love to see emulated in my own marriage and in those of my Christian brothers and sisters. Their story highlights five admirable traits of a Christian marriage. These traits are not recorded as God’s ordained requirements for us, but I believe they are worth seeking after as we navigate what a godly marriage looks like.

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10 Surefire Ways To Make Your Kids Hate Family Devotionals: Want to make absolutely sure that your kids loathe family devotions? Here are ten easy ways to make sure they associate family worship with legalism, boredom, and drudgery.

8 Encouragements To Single Men: Over the years I have seen some men handle singleness well, but I have seen more men handle it poorly. My goal here is not to heap shame on you but to encourage you. In Christ, your sins are forgiven and you are radically loved by the Father. He wants life for you, not death; hope, not despair; sanctified optimism, not disgruntled cynicism. If you are a genuine follower of Jesus every season is an instrument of transformation in the hands of our good and gracious God, as he forms you into the image of his Son (Rom 8:29). He will help you, strengthen you and uphold you (Isa 40:10). He has given you all that you need for life and godliness (2Peter 1:3). So, I encourage you to consider the eight following areas and, moved and motivated by the love and grace of God, make adjustments as needed. These tend to be the greatest areas of weakness for single men. 

Defining Legalism: Since the charge of "legalism" is tossed around carelessly, we should define the terms and see who does and who does not deserve the label. Let me name four classes of legalists. 

5 Godly Lessons From Sports: The odds of getting a full-ride scholarship or a big pro contract are long, but in sports there is a 100% chance that your child will learn lifelong lessons about faith, effort, attitude, playing on a team, and giving God the victory regardless of the outcome. As the parent of a young athlete, here are five ways to make those lessons positive ones.

Pregnancy After Miscarriage: I need grace that results in patience. Yes, the anger and bitterness grown within a person is sin. Thankfully Jesus died to overcome and forgive sin. That's why I can read Romans 5and have hope. I am a broken sinner whom Christ died for, not some beautified warrior riding a stallion.

5 Evidences Of Complementarian Gender Roles In Genesis 1-2: But is it really true? Is that what Genesis teaches? A closer look reveals the egalitarian reading of the text is quite misleading. [ii] Before sin enters the world, Genesis 1-2 presents man and woman as equal in their essence as divine image-bearers but unequal in their social roles. The first man Adam acts as the leader in this first marriage, and Eve is called to follow his leadership. God's appointment of Adam as leader comes out in at least five ways in Genesis 2.

The Savior Who Suffers With Us: The beauty of Christ’s atonement is seen in how God is with us (in our suffering), instead of us (as our substitute), and for us (in victory over the powers of Satan, sin, and death). In today’s blog post, I want to focus on how the truth of the incarnation (in the person of Jesus Christ God is with us) is magnified by the reality of the atonement (God is with us in suffering).

When Compassion Meets Brokenness: Are you facing brokenness, condemnation, seclusion, loneliness or pain?  Are you fighting your way to get to the feet of the one who knows you and longs to heal you?  On the cross, our savior stretched out his hands in compassion and love for us.  He took on our brokenness and in return, poured out true love that redeems the brokenness.  Fight through the crowds, worship at his feet and trust him to extend the love you need to have everything wrong become right again.

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What Not To Say To Someone Who Is Suffering: Tchividjian sat down with Paul Tripp and Dave Furman to discuss things you shouldn't to say to a person in pain—many of which they've learned the hard way.

Making Disciples Of Women In A Post-Christian World: But true discipleship must happen in the spaces where we have no room to eject when our dearest idols are threatened. It may feel horrible in the moment, but for us to be changed by the Spirit , we are going to have to open ourselves up to the discomfort of true vulnerability.

Six Factors That Do Not Affect Inerrancy: Remember, just because it is in the Bible does not make it right. Inerrancy does not mean everything in the Bible is true, it just means that everything is accurate and everything being taught is true.

Biblical Womanhood For Pariahs: I am thinking today that Biblical womanhood is best understood when we understand it in our worst case scenarios. When we boil it down to what God most wants any of us to reflect about Himself regardless of the adjective in front of “woman” and then expand that back out to the specific circumstances in which we find ourselves, we are much better equipped to endure the waves of life that come at us at each stage as a woman after God's own heart.

How To Cultivate Encouragement In Your Church: So how can church leaders today cultivate encouragement among believers? I think the answer lies in valuing and modeling what's commendable by discussing it, teaching it, commending it when it appears, and rewarding it with consistency.

3 Things To Remember In Discussion With Doubters: My hope is that our churches will be places where we can have good, honest conversations about the questions that matter. Let’s learn how to talk about our faith in ways that strengthen those who are struggling.

Discipline In A Pornified Society: It isn’t the desire for excitement that is the problem. It’s the lack of delight-inspiring discipline that dries up the souls of such pleasure-addicted men. Discipline isn’t opposed to pleasure. Disciplined men have refined tastes. Disciplined men pursue a more permanent joy. They get to savor their marriages decade after decade. They guide their own sons into manhood and give their daughters’ hand over to real men. Their legacy can’t be contained in perishable experiences. They learn to gain freedom over themselves and they experience freedom, which is what every man really wants.

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