Current blog post written by Becca Wellan. A devoted and caring friend who loves coffee and talking about Jesus. Oh, and did I mention she loves coffee?

"Twinkle twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are."

I sing this lullaby to lull the sweet babies I nanny to sleep. I can’t sing, so this doesn’t always work. Each time I sing this song, I always think, these words are so odd. I’m no astronomer, by any stretch, but I’m pretty sure stars aren’t diamonds in the sky. I’m also quite positive they’re not little.

Have you ever laid on your back during a clear summer night in the middle of nowhere? Just to watch the stars. Just to see how small you really are. It’s amazing. You know, I tried counting all the stars, once. I believe I got to twenty-nine, then I got distracted.

1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.

One billion trillion; I was a little off. That’s the number of stars in the observable universe. That’s one billion trillion stars, in the ten billion galaxies we’ve found so far (like I can somehow take credit for this).

That’s a lot of stars.

I don’t know about you, but my view of God is very small. I mean, I know that God created the world, the universe, the one billion trillion stars, me. I know the stars are designed to show us His power and beauty. (I also believe He made them just for fun. Just to paint the sky for us. Just because He’s God, and He can). I know all these truths, but as my heart’s been breaking beneath the weight of my sin, I’ve learned that there’s a difference between “know” and “believe.” The difference between chains and freedom.

And I don’t believe that this God could truly love me. In my doubt, I’ve been drowning.

Does this God actually have a heart big enough to love all of me?
Enough power to truly forgive me?
Enough grace to rescue me?
Enough understanding to heal me?
Enough mercy to let my heart rest, filled up to overflowing with peace?

I don’t know about you, but my view of God is very small. There are days my sin takes a hold of my heart and my mind and yells so loud, with such strength, that this God who counts the countless stars seems to disappear.

Do you ever wonder if God could truly love someone like you? If being fully, totally forgiven for everything you’ve ever done or thought applies to everyone else, but certainly not you?

I don’t actually believe that God would love me enough to pour grace over the dark spaces in my mind. I don’t actually believe that I can rest in His forgiveness, without doing penance to earn His grace. I don’t actually believe Him when He said “it is finished.”

But this God, who created the universe and all its stars, will not remain silent. This morning, He broke through my doubts and spoke to me:

“He heals the brokenhearted,

And binds up their wounds.

He determines the number of the stars;

He gives to all of them their names.” // Psalm 147:4.
 

Suddenly, I believed Him. If this God has enough power in His voice to tell the one billion trillion stars to shine, hanging them up like Christmas lights, then He must have enough power to heal my broken heart and bind up my wounds.

If this God is caring enough to name each and every one of the stars, then He must care enough to truly, completely, deeply, relentlessly love me.

To call me by name.

And, this God must have enough power to actually mean it when He hung on the cross and said “it is finished.”

“As far as the east is from the west,
so far does He remove our sin from us.” // Psalm 103:12.

As far as the east is from the west is pretty far, if you think about it. The edge of the observable universe is forty-six billion light years away. One light year is six trillion miles. It keeps going, and going, and going and no one knows where, or if, it ends.

When Christ died on the cross, the sin that separated us from Him is black-hole status gone. He has only grace for us, now. He is not disgusted by you. He is not ashamed of you. To endure your days as though Jesus is not powerful enough to forgive you is not just insulting, it will wreck you.

This morning, as I read these verses through my tears, I finally felt how absolutely adored I am. I could actually see myself wrapped in the arms of Jesus. Sobbing. Letting go of everything but Him. In that moment, I finally felt that I am more valuable to Him than one billion trillion stars. The weight of the guilt I’ve been carrying was lifted. All I could say was “I need you.”

“I know, sweet girl, I know,” He said. “That’s why I came down to rescue you.”  

“When Satan tempts me to despair and tells me of the guilt within, upward I look and see Him there, who made an end of all my sin.”

Current blog post written by Becca Wellan. A devoted and caring friend who loves coffee and talking about Jesus. Oh, and did I mention she loves coffee?

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you. He will never permit the righteous to be moved.” - Psalm 55:2. 

It’s a Sunday morning, and a friend of mine asks me how I’m doing. I’m tempted to smile, say “I’m good!” and walk away. But, the word “good” tastes bitter on my lips, and I swallow it, along with all the other words I can’t say. With sincerity and compassion, he tells me I can give him an honest answer.

“Honestly...” I look out the window as though the grey sky is listening, too, as her sobs fall in droplets down the stained glass. I start sobbing, too. 

“I feel terrible.” 

He could have turned away. He could have awkwardly muttered “I’m sorry,” and turned to someone more cheerful, a conversation more comfortable. Instead, he prayed for me. Another friend prayed with us. Then he offered to help me with my practical needs so that I could get through the day. 

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you.” 

Promises like this have always been mildly abstract to me. Jesus will sustain me? How? I always pictured a wave of superhuman strength taking over my emotions, crashing through every last drop of weakness. 

But this never happened. 

Encourage
Verb | en·cour·age | To inspire with courage or hope

In a moment when I felt like my heart was being crushed by calloused hands, and I stood completely helpless, I grew courageous, by degrees, when my brothers and sisters in Christ stood with me. Amidst my great fears, I felt hope. They didn’t try to fix my situation; they didn’t talk too much. They didn’t use Jesus band-aids and Christian cliches (ex. Jesus loves you, you’ll be okay). 

But, they held me together. They listened, they prayed, they reminded me of the goodness of God. They reminded me of His power to restore lost souls and heal broken hearts. 

That day, in a hundred ways, my brothers and sisters were a source of incredible strength to me. Strength I could never have found on my own. Strength found only in speaking, hearing and believing the truths of Jesus. 

Through the Christ-like compassion of God’s people, God Himself sustained me another day.

At the heart of the gospel lies the glorious reality of friendship. Through His sacrificial death on the cross in the place of hopeless people, Jesus, a friend of sinners, brought us into a deep, immovable friendship with the creator of the galaxies (Mark 2:13-17). 

We shattered our friendship with sin. He sacrificed Himself to bring us back. 

And because He is with us now, the church is called to be God’s active, hope-filled, light-giving presence in the world. Because we are restored to friendship with Him, we are called to “bear one another's burdens” (Galatians 6:2), to “encourage one another” (1 Thessalonians 5:11) and to “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). 

He does not promise to miraculously heal us or change our circumstances though we wait for Him to come in waves of superhuman strength. Rather, He often shows us His grace and boundless love through other believers. God’s people are God’s presence in a broken world. 

FREE Ice cream!
That is a great way to start any conversation. If you need help moving, you start off by offering free ice cream before you ask for favors. If you want people to come to your charity event, you promise them free ice cream before you say anything else. If you want someone to read a blog about self-discipline, you promise them free ice cream at the end.

Self-discipline is not one of the darlings when it comes to character traits. In a culture that grows steadily younger as we age, self-discipline feels like drudgery. Most of us can maintain some level of discipline in one or two areas for a small measure of time. "I'm dieting for 21 days, and then I get a break"No TV for a month and then binge fest 2016." When you're discussing your weekend with co-workers, no one says "I was really self-disciplined, I didn't overspend or over drink, or Netflix and yoga pants for eleven straight hours."

We like to talk about compassion, and kindness and grace and peace. We share with one another the things we accomplished for the Kingdom, the dreams and longings of things we want to do, projects we want to be a part of, and the moments we could feel the presence of the Father. We like to talk about ice cream. 

Self-discipline is like broccoli.

Genesis chapter 5 is an account of the generations from Adam to Noah. It follows a simple pattern; "When Seth had lived 105 years he fathered a son, after that son he lived 807 years and had other sons and daughters and then he died. All the days of Seth were 912 years." That’s a paraphrase, but it follows the same pattern for ten generations, except for one. 
Genesis 5:21-24 "When Enoch had lived 65 years, he fathered Methuselah. Enoch walked with God after he fathered Methuselah 300 years and had other sons and daughters. Thus, all the days of Enoch were 365 years. Enoch walked with God, and he was not, for God took him." 

What is the difference between just "living and dying" and "walking with God?" I think I know. Broccoli. I'm sure you have seen the evidence in your own heart, so this won't come as a shock to anyone. We have a tendency just to do whatever is easiest. Maintaining a close relationship with God is not the easy thing to do. 

Every day we are bombarded with messages that tell us we are the most important thing, our desire is what is most important, and our immediate happiness is the key factor in every decision. This is slavery. To chase after desire that culminates in itself, only to have to chase something bigger and brighter next time. You think you're chasing down happiness or fulfillment, you think you're headed for your ice cream, but all you end up with is a stone cold block of ice. 

I think even we believers fall for this scheme sometimes. We want the songs that make us feel good, the sermons that inspire us to chase our dreams, and little chats that start and end with "I'm fine thanks, how are you?" But the life of the believer is frequently compared to farming. Our life is hands in the dirt, sweat on your brow, and broccoli on your plate kind of life. 

I’m not always great at it, but I’ve learned a few ways to prep and eat broccoli over the years that are quite delicious.

1. Study with fellow believers. No matter what’s going on it helps to know we are not alone.

2. Set an alarm reminder to pray. Even if it’s only for a few minutes, at first, set your alarm to a time of day you know you usually have a few minutes of free thinking and dedicate that time to pray. 

3. Set your bible on top of your phone at night. Seriously, if it’s the first thing you touch in the morning, maybe it will help you remember to crack it open and dig in.  

Self-discipline can sometimes feel like legalism. And it can be easy to talk yourself out of practical steps if you look at it that way. The funny thing is, though, the more you study, the more you pray and engage in Christian community, the more you want to. What a gracious gift to us! It’s like discovering that you really do like to exercise or eat healthy food. Even if you only give it a few minutes a day, at first, God will still hear and still help. 

We know that God saved us through Jesus. He saved us from a life of fruitless chasing after desires of the flesh to a new life bursting with the fruit of the spirit. 
Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things, there is no law."

Our tree needs to be tended to with prayer and meditation and diligent study. Galatians 5:25 "If we live by the Spirit let us keep in step with the Spirit." Being prone to take the easy way and to wander away from our savior, it makes sense that by His Spirit we are called to keep in step with the Spirit. Keep walking, keep digging, keep pruning and keep at it. 

The truth is, God sees our wicked hearts, sees how we are making a mess of things just trying to get what we want, He rescues us from the mess and puts true joy in our hearts. He pulls us out of the wreckage and replaces the shadow with substance, the plastic toys for the real deal. There's your ice cream; you just have to eat your broccoli too.

-This weeks post is by Ashley Bowie, a member at Redeemer. She pours an excellent cup of coffee, and loves words the way some people love their pets, or children.

This week’s post is by Brandon Adent, a deacon at Redeemer Church. He likes music, words, and words about music.

As the crow flies, baby, well I ain’t so far from you
but since I don’t have wings I can’t get home as fast as I want to

I remember the first time I tucked into a Rory Gallagher album; I’d never heard sounds like that from a guitar. Squeaks and squawks and chirps accompanied each tone, the kinds of sounds you can only get when you’re really going for it and know exactly what you’re doing. They had an urgency and a transparency to them, an odd mix of happiness and grief, and a willingness to face and embrace both of them, wherever that took him.

This was what Rory was known for: long, intense shows (over three hours long) playing his heart out.

Rory could really play, but he could write and sing, too. Particularly in his earlier records, he had joy in his voice. You could tell he was having the time of his life.

Even with so much joy, his songs talked so much of pain. particularly a song called “Too Much Alcohol”. The story is pretty simple: his lady is driving him nuts, and he medicates with pure alcohol:

Whiskey make me drowsy
And gin can make you think
Well, a common cold can kill ya
But, my baby turned me to drink

I went down on 31st Street
To pick up a jug of alcohol

Yeah, I told the guy to put in some water
But he wouldn't put in a drop at all
One hundred per cent alcohol
Well, let me have some

This kind of thing was pretty central to the blues lifestyle. Not surprisingly, a lot of these guys didn’t live to be very old (Rory himself died at 47) and those that do aren’t in great shape in later life. They lived a hard life, some by choice, others because those were the cards they were dealt.

Some may dislike the blues, but I love them. I like to be happy, but there’s no sense in faking; sometimes, happy song just won’t do. Occasionally, the biblical thing to do would be to sing the blues.

The blues have hope at their core. The big question, though, is where we put it. Do we look for comfort in God (in Whom it's perfectly found), or do we look for it in drink, sex, money, or power which can never give us the rest for which we long?

The Hope We Have

In the case of a certain psalmist, the writer of the 137th psalm, the source of the turmoil comes not from relationship trouble, but a longing for home:

By the waters of Babylon,
there we sat down and wept,
when we remembered Zion.
On the willows there
we hung up our lyres.
For there our captors
required of us songs,
and our tormentors, mirth, saying,
“Sing us one of the songs of Zion!”

Jerusalem has been destroyed. The psalmist is being held captive in exile, and forced to sing one of the celebratory songs of the temple, and they’re just sick of it. The psalmist would rather lose the ability to make music than to sing one more happy song from Jerusalem.

How shall we sing the Lord’s song
in a foreign land?
If I forget you, O Jerusalem,
let my right hand forget its skill!
Let my tongue stick to the roof of my mouth,
if I do not remember you,
if I do not set Jerusalem
above my highest joy!

Even the happiest songs of Zion are sad.

At the same time, though, the psalmist knows they can’t forget Jerusalem, and they don’t want to. They miss those songs and the city in which they were sung, when they could sing these songs happily and with joy, as they were meant to be.

Remember, O Lord, against the Edomites
the day of Jerusalem,
how they said, “Lay it bare, lay it bare,
down to its foundations!”
O daughter of Babylon, doomed to be destroyed,
blessed shall he be who repays you
with what you have done to us!
Blessed shall he be who takes your little ones
and dashes them against the rock!

Just when we thought it wouldn’t get any darker, like Rory being willing to drink poison to numb the pain, the psalmist prays for the violent death of their oppressor’s children, and cries out for justice from the only One who can truly administer it impartially.

Being Honest

That’s pretty dark, right? What would you do if you heard someone pray that way? The more “spiritual” thing to pray for is deliverance from oppression and grace and mercy for the oppressors.

Often, that’s what we should do, but not always. The psalmist is just being honest about their feelings and desires, and they’re sick of putting on a show, both literally and figuratively.

When I’m not doing so well emotionally, I often feel that I have to put on a similar show. I have to pretend like everything is great when it’s not. I have to smile and laugh and be happy when I just want to curl up in a corner and cry.

The Bible says that sometimes a happy song just isn’t going to work. As much fun as it is to sing happy songs, there’s value in expressing sadness, too, particularly when that sadness drives you to the Savior.

I’m not saying completely remove the filter. There’s definitely a line between honesty and just spilling things, a fine line though it might be. Honesty is inviting people to see what’s troubling you, as opposed to spilling your troubles all over whether or not it’s welcomed. Spilling quickly turns to wallowing, either on one’s own or otherwise.

Look for the Light

Many blues songs “resolve” at wallowing, which is really to say they don’t resolve, at least in a way that lifts us from the mire for good. That's sort of the point, really. We hope for something better than what we have, but there seems to be no one or nothing that can save us from where we are.

However, there is hope, and the psalmist knows where to put it; in the Lord, who He is, what He's done, and what He will do.

While God waits awhile to act on the psalmist’s prayer, He does. Kingdoms rise and fall, and Edom and Babylon are no exception.

Ultimately, though, God sent his own Son to be crushed for the wickedness of the world, including sins of ours, those of Edom, and those of Babylon, so that all who trust in Him will be able in inhabit a city and world so beautiful that it makes Jerusalem look like a slum.

Even in the blues, there can be joy. Even in the blues, there is hope.

Do you like reading? I have noticed that people either love it or hate it. There usually isn't an in-between when it comes to reading. I hate reading. Now, to those that know me would hear that statement and say that I am a liar. If you know me, I usually have two books going at a time, and I usually end up finishing between 20-25 books in a year. So to the untrained eye you would think that I love reading because that is all I do. 

However, that is far from the truth. I am learning to enjoy reading the more I do it, but it is not as enjoyable to me as some people would think. 

The reason I find reading hard is because of a few reasons. One is that I cannot keep my eyes open, reading puts me to sleep faster than a brewery popping up in Bellingham. Two, my mind has a hard time concentrating and seems to move in many different directions. So a lot of the time, I have to re-read a page because I was thinking of something else and have no idea what I just read and that gets annoying. And thirdly, I am lazy by nature, period. I don't want to spend time reading. So, you are probably wondering why do you bring this up? 

I bring this up to share that I have hated reading in the past, but there are certain purposes to why I read often. My hope is that these three objectives will give you a desire to read more and often. 

1. Grow

I don't know about you, but I have never been satisfied with where I am at in life. It could be sports, schooling, parenting, whatever but I have this insatiable desire to grow. I was never this way growing up, though. I hated spending time on something to get better at it. If I weren't good at it in the first place, I wouldn't even want to try. As I grew up though I realized that by reading more often I was giving myself an opportunity to grow. 

Specifically, I wanted to grow more in love with Jesus. The books that I spend most of my time have to do something about Christianity. As I navigated, my relationship with Jesus I realized that a Christian is not passive but is called to be active. Our sovereign Creator uses means, like learning, to grow us and transform us. Once I figured out this reality, I realized that even though I dislike reading I needed to produce a habit of reading. I wanted to grow as a Christian. However, I didn't wish to grow as a Christian to gain a right standing before God; He sees me as perfect only because of Jesus' perfect life, death, burial, and resurrection. 

I want God to continue to use the means of reading to grow my knowledge of Him in hopes that reading strengthens my relationship with my King. 

I read to grow.

2. Remember

I am a forgetful person by nature. I wish I could remember things I learned years ago. But as everyone knows, if you don't use the thing you often discovered your mind tends to forget it all together. Our minds were created to remember things, but we tend to remember the things we interact with on a regular basis. 

Therefore, because I forget often, I read to remember my identity as a Christian. As Christians, we are saved not by our quality of faith, or our quantity of faith but by who our faith is in, Jesus Christ. He is the object of our faith and because of that I read so I don't forget this great reality. I desire such theological clarity so that when my mind wanders or my world gets rocked by some unexpected incident, I want to be able to remember Who I have faith in, Jesus Christ the righteous one.  

I read to remember. 

3. Lead Others

Lastly, I read because I know I am called to be a leader. Now you might read this and say, yes but I am not a leader. I believe everyone is called to be a leader. Whether you are in college, young married, deacon, elder, church member, father, mother, you are called to be a leader in some capacity. 

There are different levels of leadership I believe the Bible lays out pretty clearly. For example, husbands are to lead their wives and homes, the Apostle Paul was a leader of movements, And we are all called to be disciples of Jesus which implies we are to be leaders of self. I would put these into four different categories, the leader of self, leader of others, leader of organizations, and leader of movements. I think these groups gives enough handles to knowing what we're called to. 

So in that regard, If you don't have a family, you certainly are still called to be a leader of yourself. 

I read because I want to continue to keep my mind sharp and continue to grow in greater capacity to lead. I want to lead myself well; I want to lead my family well, and certainly I want to go in leading others well. 

I read because I am a leader.

4. Where Do I Start?

If you are not a reader, the best practical advice I can give you is just to start reading. Even that information is hard just to start doing when you hate reading. Here is what I did when I began to try and read more, I started small and picked five books I wanted to read within a year (here is a list if you need help getting started, or ask a friend you trust what they would recommend). I would add all the book pages up and divide by 365 days (because that is how many days are in a year). This number would give me a great starting point to know how many pages per day I needed to read to get through my goal.

For example, you take five books that are 200 pages each, add them all up and you get a 1000 pages of reading. Divide that number by 365 days in a year and, voila!, you get 2.74 pages a day. That is how many pages you need to read a day to finish those five books.

By doing this, I gave myself a possible target when it came to reading. Meaning that I was no longer intimidated by reading any longer.

Reading is worth it, even if you find reading the worst.

I love God's Word. I really do.

But sometimes, I'm just not feelin' it.

When you break it down, reading the Bible is not hard. Set a time, you set a place, brew your coffee or pour your tea, and start right in. Or maybe it's even simpler: you just start.

More often than not, however, I often find my mind wandering, and wandering for a host of reasons. I'm tired. My mug is empty. It's dark. This doesn't make sense. This does make sense and I don't like it.

And all of a sudden, I am aware that my mind is hungry, but for anything but what lies before me on the kitchen table.

The God of the universe is talking to me, and I'm bored.

It seems to come in seasons. Sometimes, I'll be learning a ton, feeling completely absorbing in God's Word, so blown away by what He's done, amazed by His character and gracious disposition towards people who generally don't give a flying fig about Him.

And yet other times, reading the phone book seems more interesting.

 

We Don't Need A Trick List. We Need Jesus.

When we're frustrated and bummed out and struggle to pray and read, our greatest need is not a list of tips and tricks to "fix ourselves." Because we can't. Our greatest need is described in the pages in front of us.

We need grace, and God gives it at the cost of His Son, who succeeded in perfect communion with His Father. Because of Jesus, we have a perfect Bible reading and prayer record, and it's as if we'd done it for all the right reasons. Because of Jesus and the new life we have in Him, we actually can enjoy reading God's Word.

However, Bible reading and devotional time is still a struggle at times, and it will continue to be this side of the Second Coming.

Here are some things that seem to at least help me when I'm discouraged with my lack of devotion.

 

1. Pray

Yeah, I know. Total Sunday School answer. But it really is true.

Prayer is talking to God. It's reflecting on His holiness and telling Him so, wanting Him to be worshiped above all things. It's asking for His way in heaven to be the way things are here, His glory revealed in this broken world of ours. It's acknowledging our brokenness and our need for His grace and mercy in Jesus, and asking for things so that He would be glorified.

God wants to be glorified. He's the best there is. He loves you, wants you to delight in Him, and wants you to grow and become more like Jesus.

Honestly, praying towards that end may or may not lead to better Bible time, at least in terms of experience. But prayer reminds us that we're needy, and acknowledging that we don't have the focus or strength or determination in ourselves is often what we need most when we're struggling to read the Bible.

 

2. It's Better to Feel Frustrated Than Not to Feel at All

Humans need sustenance. It's hardwired into us. Without food or water, we die. And so, we hunger and thirst. It's part of being human.

When it comes to scripture and prayer, being frustrated that you're not hungry or thirsty for what you know you need is a good thing. That means you're alive.

As we said before, pray that Jesus would become sweeter to you and that your love for Him would grow. But take comfort in the fact that you actually care.

 

3. You May Not Be Doing Anything Wrong

In a world where so much of what we get is based on what we sacrifice, it can be easy to take boring Bible time as an indication or sign of sin in our lives. And while we all sin, that may not be the best assumption.

God is smarter than us. He knows what we need, what we feel, what we think before we think it. It may be that, in His wisdom, He causes us to feel a bit disconnected so that we learn something that we wouldn't otherwise.

God can be displeased with us. God disciplines us, another extension of His wisdom. In times where we feel disconnected with God, we need to remember that we are connected to Him in Christ. That lets us, without fear of condemnation, ask Him and others if there's sin in our lives that we can't see, and then joyfully turn to Jesus for forgiveness.

But boring Bible time could just be a season of life, too, where we need to learn to trust God to give us what we need, even if it doesn't feel awesome to receive.

4. Just Keep Trying

Often when I'm sick, I lose my appetite completely, and the very last thing I want is to eat. But even if I can't keep anything down, it's generally better to eat even nibbles and crumbs of crackers and sips of Sprite than to have nothing at all.

Keep pressing into what you know you need. Know that God is good, that He loves you, that He wants what's best for you.

Know that there's grace to fail and strength to continue.

Even when we're just not feelin' it.