Finding A Home
This blog is written by Becca Wellan. Nanny for two littles. Caffeine addict. Child of God.
Things that stress me out: Bees, balloons, and house hunting.
The past few weeks, I’ve been singing The Renters Blues to myself as I scroll through Craigslist every five minutes. But hey, who’s counting? Apparently the availability rate in Bellingham is 1% right now. Pour me a glass of that sweet tea, wouldya honey? I made it with the lemons life gave me.
Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating. Just a little. But hey, finding a new place, ideally with some walls and a roof, is pretty high on my “adulting” list now that I bought a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.
Since I moved out of my parents to go to Western, I’ve searched for a place to live each year. A place of rest and refuge; where I feel safe. A place filled up with laughter, shared tears, and welcoming arms. A place I can feel at home.
As I’ve wrestled through some emotionally rough patches these past few months, I’ve come to realize that my search for home goes much deeper than just finding some walls, a roof, and a lease sign.
Since I could breathe, my soul has been aching for home. It’s at the core of who I am. It’s how I’m wired. The grace I’ve found in these last few months is that I’ve been forced to re-think where I’m trying to find it.
If you are human (if you can read this, I’m 98% certain you are), you naturally long to feel safe. You desire to be fully known, flaws and all, yet be fully accepted. To be comforted, and deeply loved. To have stability and consistency. When you find this, you find home. That’s how God wired you.
Since I could breathe, my soul has been aching for this kind of home. And, I always find it in relationships. This is not always a bad thing. Community and deep friendships are some of the most beautiful gifts God gives us. God’s people, though sinful, are His presence in a broken world. I fully believe that.
But here’s the catch:
People aren’t always there for you when you need them. People make stupid decisions that break your heart. People will forget about you, they will back out on their plans with you. They will hurt you, even with the best intentions. And, there is always the gut-wrenching chance they will leave you.
The problem is that I find myself banking on other people to come through for me, every time I need them. I need their comforting words, their reassurance, their presence, to feel okay again.
So where do you find home? Who do you depend on to always make you feel safe, to love you completely, to never fail you?
God wired us to long to be loved perfectly, to be deeply connected to a constant anchor when the storms come. But, other people have storms, too.
So why did God wire us this way?
“One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life.” // Psalm 27:4-5
We are wired to seek after God’s presence, as long as we live. He is our constant anchor; no one else - no matter how great they are - can be that for us. We are wired to long for His company, to run into His arms when the our storms come. To know Him, and be known by Him.
We truly find home when our desire for home is met in Christ Jesus. It’s what we were designed for. Only through believing in Him can we be fully known yet fully accepted. Only in Him can we find true comfort. Only through believing in Him, and living each day resting in His constant, unbreakable friendship, can you come home.
Each day, may our heartcry be, “Lord, may I find my home in you all the days of my life.”
I still don’t have a place to live in the fall. I’ve been making phone calls and looking at property management websites even as I’ve been writing this. But I can put my laptop away and rest, knowing that my greatest need for home has already been met.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” // Matthew 11:28